Happy birthday…?

Maybe you're tired, maybe you're busy, maybe you just plain forgot. It hurts more than it should and now I feel like a spoiled brat because my best friend didn't remember my birthday. I'm making excuses for you. I really don't want it to be a big deal but I thought of all the people,...

Dreamsand to Nightmares

2am. Not sure how happy thoughts turned into self-loathing. Oh that's right, because I wanted more happy times. And that meant taking up more than was acceptable of others' time. So here we go again. Sleepless, tired, self-loathing and crying. Rinse and repeat.

The Lesser of the Two Alones

The night is still young but I'm taking sleeping pills to get out of my own head. I can't stop crying because I feel so alone. I hate that I can't deal with being alone. At some point everyone's going to find me exhausting to be around and I'll be worse off than ever. Overwhelmed,...

If I cry, will you let me?

I don't know if that's what I'll do. Maybe I'll be strong, maybe there'll be no tears in the end. But if the only thing I want to do is cry for the next few hours, without knowing why, will you just stay by my side? Maybe I'm grieving for the life I could have...

The Spiral

I'm exhausted but I can't sleep Well if you can't sleep, you might as well be working

Late Night/Early Morning Anxiety

It's 5am on a Saturday, all is quiet except for the too-loud thumping of my heart. Today would be Day 10. Day 10 of my return, Day 10 of the fight to go back. Day 10 of likely driving myself to exhaustion for this cause. And I'm really tired. I can't think of writing/editing another...

I’m either working myself to exhaustion or feeling anxious as hell.

Is there no way I can relax? Help. 😦

The word of the day is FUTILE

Woke up 2 and a half hours later than my usual 3am. Had weird dreams (thanks diphenylhydramine) and felt like a wreck. Current status: Not wanting to do anything. Feeling like it's going to be futile anyway. Stuck in a rut. Haven't clicked on a job application in a few days, I know I should...

You’re Worth It

This is really difficult to write just as I'm burning out from exhaustion but I will always spend that one spoon on you.

Hello darkness, my old friend.

It's unfortunately easier to succumb to the abyss when you're not afraid of it staring back at you. At this point I'd say to it "You and I are kin, take me if you want to but I'm not afraid of you. I'm just afraid of trying to reach for the light only to find...